


Disenchantment

by Coffin Liqueur (HP_Lovecats)



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Movie: Saw III (2006), Relationship Study, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26082538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HP_Lovecats/pseuds/Coffin%20Liqueur
Summary: In another life, Amanda said no, and it made for nothing worse than where she ended up.
Relationships: John "Jigsaw" Kramer & Amanda Young
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Disenchantment

Sense drains away from Amanda’s mind with the blood from her veins.

All she can feel is the simultaneous  _ burn of betrayal _ and  _ shock of  _ **_fear._ **

A chorus of children’s voices calling inside her, with what little of John’s words she can actually hear over the roar of flames of the former, roused in a panic.

_ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. _

It’s a plea, not a repentance.

_ Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. _

_ … _ **_..._ ** _... _

_ \-- In another life, she says no. _

_ She resists the pull of approval - she lets herself hate the man who’s already made her kill once, and screams at him to leave, and he leaves. A few grave words, and after that, she isn’t stupid enough to blab. _

_ The cost of her changing her ways, no longer trying to temporarily erase old pains in dark corners and chasing new Cecils towards places where she can do so, is only constant fear. _

_ Looking around every corner and shuddering and hyperfocusing on every shadow, lest she be captured again - for any other thing that might have been wrong. _

_ She leaves another shit day at a convenience store at night. She sees a shift in colors out of the corner of her eye, and she sucks in a gasp, and whirls to meet it -- …! _

_...It’s a group of teenagers. _

_ Chatting lazily, behind the store, playing ball against the wall and smoking -- ...something. _

_...Her heart twists as she thinks they’re in danger but it isn’t any of her business. She puts her hands in the air, and lowers her head, and silently breathes “okay, okay”, and she heads back to the bus while also beating herself on the head, mentally, for too many different reasons at once to count. _

_...There isn’t any such thing as justice. “Rightness”. _

_ Life always, always finds a way to hurt you even more, when you think you’ve been through enough _

_ … _ **_…_ ** _ …!! _

She wants to cry.

She wants to  _ kick _ , and knock her head back against the wall, and  **_cry_ ** and hope that it’s _ clearly piteous, clearly in  _ **_need_ ** _ enough to  _ **_make it happen_ ** **.**

_ I’m  _ **_scared_ ** _ , John. _

_ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _

_ I would take it all back if you would only  _ **_please_ ** _ not hate me enough to let me die…! _

She chokes on her own breath, and her fingers _twitch_ against the edge of the bullet wound, as John continues speaking.

**_\-- !!_ **

He hates her.

\--

What was she supposed to  _ learn. _

_ (She sucks in a choking gasp that hitches on itself; writhes harder.) _

**_He’d_ ** shown her the way.  _ He _ had -- …!

He had been  _ testing  _ her, he said, and she had failed when she shouldn’t have.

_ what had she  _ **_ever_ ** _ been supposed to learn john other than that she DID need you -- ! _

\-- Her eyes search for some escape, from John’s wrath (and her own sin in her anger - I  _ needed  _ you; _ I  _ **_needed_ ** _ you… -- !! _ ), and they find that by now finally seeing nothing but the light itself - stark-white.

It isn’t threatening. It isn’t anything.

...She slumps into it.

Nothing to guide her away -- those last vital drops of blood pouring out between her fingers.

Coughs, gasps, and takes her  _ final  _ refuge away from fear.

_ … -- Even this wasn’t worth it, John. _

Her last thoughts… are laced with venom. Spat, spitefully, maybe childishly, to a recipient who can’t hear them.

_ Even I wasn’t, and even  _ **_you_ ** _ weren’t. _

**Author's Note:**

> Written using the [One Word Prompts](https://towriteprompts.tumblr.com/onewordprompts) list from towriteprompts @ Tumblr!
> 
> Word 2: "Lesson".


End file.
